Have You Felt Grief, and Do You Need Help to Overcome it? - Angela Alexander

ST Intro/Outro: 00:00:10

Welcome to Soul Talk. The podcast founded and created by Monica Romirez, the warrior of love. Soul Talk was created in 2020, when a pandemic hit, and we were in lockdown. She wanted to have exciting conversations with open minded people, so they could understand different aspects of herself. And she could help others in the same way. She interviews, healers, coaches, therapists, psychics, readers, channelers, mediums, intellectuals, poets, artists, and more. She calls it Soul Talk, because it started as a conversation from soul to soul.

Monica Ramirez: 00:00:48

Hello, everyone. This is Monica Ramirez, warrior of love. And thank you for being in salt talk. And we're in put up a loser. And today we have a very special invite her name is Angela Alexander. We're going to be talking about grief today. And Angela is going to let us know a little bit about her story and who she is. And thank you, Angela, really appreciate accepted my invitation for so talk.

Angela Alexander: 00:01:19

Well, thank you for having me. I appreciate being on your show.

Monica Ramirez: 00:01:22

Thank you. Thank you. Please let us know a little bit about your story. How the culture of grief or or how do you work with grief?

Angela Alexander: 00:01:31

Yeah, so what happened was, I was working in Japan on military duty. I was in the Air Force. And this is April Fool's weekend and Lieutenant Becci came up to me and says, Alexander, I need to speak with you. And the April Fool's weekend, I just thought it was another joke. And we still walking and talking about nothing but end up at the door of the small office. Inside was the man who was introduced as a priest, and another lady from our unit. And the priest began nervously shaking holding his paperwork from the red cloth and he says, Angela, your family has been in a car accident. And from the looks on their faces, I knew this was no April Fool's joke. The day before, my husband and four children were driving down the highway in California, and a car cut them off. A truck hit the center divider, a poor impact. They were all knocked unconscious. And then our truck went backwards across the highway and failed 25 feet below and landed upside down on top of two other park vehicles with people inside those cars. Praise God. I caught it on the engine and not the route. So those people were extremely shaken up. But they were okay. When the police, firefighters ambulance with the jaws of life all came to the site. They saw the poor children. And they ran into my daughter, Angela, who was 11 years old at the time. She was in and out of consciousness. They say was your mother was your mother? Well, she looked at the opposite all days and said, My mother is in Japan. Well, the opposite just thought she hit her head way too hard, and was delirious, did not believe a single word she said. So they retrieved my address with my husband's driver's license and came to my home. Now most people think about me being on the other side of the world was the worst place possible. But you know what? I needed to be that far away in order to hear God's voice. Because if I was home, I would have run somewhere. But in Japan, I had no choice but to be still and know that God is still God. And whenever and wherever there's a crisis. Christ is. So in Japan, he's shaking nervously. He said your husband story. He's okay. But he's in the hospital. Your daughter Angela. She's okay. But she's in the hospital. Your daughter Angelina. She's okay. But she's in the hospital. But your two eight year old sons, where we serve Roger. They didn't make it. And instantly, as if no one else was in the room. But God and me. I would call it a prayer my children said before going to bed. Now lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take and listen Monica, I don't know. Maybe because I need to hear from my son so badly. I feel right here in my heart. As if I heard them say No mommy, that piece is wrong. We pray the Lord our soul to take we did make it. We're here with Jesus. And I'm telling you, God was sending me so much love and so much peace. There was no room for pain. The people in the room was watching and waiting for my world to turn upside down. But instead thank goodness my world still in alignment with the one we call our Heavenly Father. And I'm telling you the next day I was in a 10 hour plus pain right from Japan to California. And I first thank God that my whole family hadn't passed away because that could have easily happened. I think got the Morrison Roger, they have to pass a pass instantly because absent from the body is present with the Lord. I praise God that they want to hook that to a life support machine suffering, waiting for me to come home only then to pass away. I praise God for the little things because when you do God has a supernatural way of multiplying and magnifying your small, crazy, huge testimonies. And in about an hour later into their flight, I almost said straight up in my seat. As I recall this letter Maurice had written about a month before the car crash. So Maurice was eight years old in the third grade, he had a math test at school, he finished early and received his a, I had to be quiet while his classmates complete that test. In that quiet time, he wrote this letter to me my husband, they had never written us have never before. And he ran in the house with school that afternoon, he shouted, my mom and dad good. I wrote your letter. I'm not sure that he was so excited. And I said, What do you well, some letter, what are you going to do? Boy? He says, No, mommy, I just love you. And the three of us we said the audit every day, he's not allowed. And he wrote three pages not only expressing that He loved us, but explaining why he loved us. And of all three pages, he wrote these words, he wrote the words by by b y dash b y. And that's not b y e. That's the by passing by and by like you'll see each other again. And when I came home off that when I came home, I was on the floor and my kitchen client thanking God for my recent letter. I asked God, that I needed something for Raj. I needed to know that Raj was also at peace. And God told me to search as this search, and my house was filled with so many people that I actually went upstairs to the bedrooms and I started searching. I went through the books on the shelves, the clothes in the closet. I flipped the mattress. I searched my house for over three hours I did not find anything that I prayed trusted and believed for as long as God can create its own its God can orchestrate it that night was open house and my children's Elementary School. Now, my girls needed to normalcy. Their friends on the block was going to open house I said you know what? We're gonna go as well. And we'll have a house full of people went to Angela's fifth grade class Maurices of Angelenos, fourth grade class, more research third grade class and when I walked into his class, just hushed came across the room. Because the parents did not know what to say to me. And frankly, I didn't know what to say to them. But the children just circled around because they want to tell me how much they love and already miss their friend Marie's. They could not comprehend somebody their own eye level passing away. And so we finally made it to Rogers second grade class. And I spoke to Mrs. blasey, his teacher. She share her condolences. And I say, Well, what am I Sunday for open house? What two weeks before the car crash, Mrs. Blessing had given all of her second graders all kinds of arts and crafts supplies and said, do something for open house, your parents are coming with no other instructions. For Roger cut out the shape of a house with closed doors. With me. I have a picture of it in this in I wrote a children's book. And I have a picture of it in here. Well, first of all, in this book here, this is more recent letters, the envelope, and you open it up and this is more recent letter right here. His pay is just shrunk down. So you can read his letter. And this is why just this way he caught the shape of a house. And when you open it up in the center, it says Mommy, I have a big backyard and a big house. I said wait a minute, wait a minute, stop right there because we actually have the smallest backyard in the block. And when I saw that I said he wrote this he was in transition mode. He's referring to his heavenly home where he does have a big backyard and he does have a big house. And then on the right hand side, he cut out a tombstone. And on his tombstone he wrote the word dead men joy. Game, enjoy. Now this is an eight year old little boy in the second grade, cutting out a tombstone talking about dead men joy, and below his words he drew a picture of himself. And on the opposite side, he called a second tombstone. On this one, he wrote the words, dead men jams and drew a picture of his brother Maurice, beneath those words, girl. MONICA I almost fell to my knees on that second grade classroom brought as I thank God for being so good to me. Because I had just pray. I was early that day. God I need to know that Roger is at peace. And this is what God gave me that very evening. So I WB, you have not put us in that.

Monica Ramirez: 00:10:04

What a story man. I, it is. It is beautiful. And this is also a lot of pain in there. Oh, yes, I am a mother. So I cannot imagine that nothing goes, how deep it can go there because we were programming that way that there was a leaf first is the parents, not the kids. Right. Right. And so that is a very painful it's a no that am I my, my nephew died a few years ago and my sister have not recovered from that one. And he was 37. And I killed it's and wife and so forth. But the pain of the mother is gone.

Angela Alexander: 00:10:52

Yes, deep.

Monica Ramirez: 00:10:54

And I see that you actually did something from from that pain?

Angela Alexander: 00:11:01

Yeah, not because I wanted to what happened with me, the transition was what I was writing myself Memorial program. God said, Angela, you know, those letters were written to soothe your soul, but more importantly, to share to help other people turn their pain into power and grief into peace. I was like, oh, no, God, oh, this is this is one of the arguments began. I was like, oh, no, God, what I'm not going to do. Because I'm telling you at that time, I could not even say their names with a lump in my throat. I couldn't. And this wasn't, this wasn't even a week of them passing. And God given these visions of me speaking share testimonies, and this and that. And, and I was like, and I was, I said, No, no, no, no, I couldn't. And I got an Oculus. Why couldn't shouldn't wouldn't it for six months of welcome disobedience. But during that time, during that entire time, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think straight. When you walk into disobedience, it does not feel good. And finally, when the pay became too much for me, to be fair, I woke up, I said, I surrender all. Use me as you choose to. And I said, God, if you give me the strength, to put my uniform back on, and stay in the military, but another five years, I have 15 I will be tired from the Air Force and dedicate my life to sharing your amazing testimony. So God granted me that's true. And I retired from March Air Reserve Base, and what and during those five years, that's when I wrote my autobiography, miracles in action, turning pain into power and grief into peace. I have a workbook to help me with the process of that. My children's book, and my book has been turned into a documentary film, God gives me a vision of a movie. So I'm still waiting on that. But this is a documentary film. And so Mike, so guy had transitioned me from military to ministry, to help people turn their pain into power and grief into peace. But it wasn't until I surrendered. This is not something I wanted to do. And I could I couldn't see me doing this. I'm like, Who is who am I? But then when I look back at it, but what had to realize, Monica, it wasn't about me. It's about God. And once I got out of the way, now I'm a vessel allowing God to use me as he chooses to. So now I speak at different churches, retreats, conference, book, clubs, woman fellowship, podcasts, whatever door that opens for me to share his testimony.

Monica Ramirez: 00:13:39

Do you work with people in grieving?

Angela Alexander: 00:13:43

I'm also a grief coach. Yes.

Monica Ramirez: 00:13:45

How do you work with them?

Angela Alexander: 00:13:49

Oh, well, you may have like by zoom, but right now by

Monica Ramirez: 00:13:52

No, it was not meaning immediate how, when to what approach a parent or any loved one that died? And their approach to you. And when I do work with a grief coach. There are many, but each one is different. Yes, one of the coaches are healers and whatever you want to call everybody we are we have our own way to helping people. Right? And imagine Do you have our own way to talk to work working with them? What is your way of working with them?

Angela Alexander: 00:14:24

Well, for me, mine is called a 90 day transformation from grief to peace. And it's really, God. Jesus is a source of my strength. And so he's the foundation of my healing process. So hopefully they have a belief in God, Jesus. And so that's the foundation for me. So once we have once we solidify that, you know, nothing is possible. God can heal your broken heart, if you ask them to. So that's that's the foundation. That's what that's where I come from.

Monica Ramirez: 00:14:54

How would you encounter people that are grieving? Leaving God

Angela Alexander: 00:15:00

Normally, once they, normally we can have a conversation, but that's up to them. Normally, if they don't believe in God, normally they'll say, you know, thank you, but no, thank you. But because it has to be mutual, if I'm saying, God, it's also my strength, and you want what I have, and this is how I had it. But if you're the Tesla, you then you're not going to relate to what I'm speaking about.

Monica Ramirez: 00:15:25

Okay? And basically, the basis of your coaching, it is true to God.

Angela Alexander: 00:15:31

Yes, because that's how, how I was able to transform from grief to peace is because God gave me the piece that I needed to stand here to praise his holy name. So that's where I'm coming from. So if you can adapt to that, then we're a great fit. Because you have to fit with your coaches. It's not just, you know, just because you're a coach, you're not for everybody. Yes, every coach, not for everybody. And so the people who are attracted to me are the people who have a foundation of what a foundation with Jesus.

Monica Ramirez: 00:15:58

That's why I asked you, because healers for everybody. And

Angela Alexander: 00:16:04

Because you don't want it you got to be good. This is so sensitive, you don't want to be fit with the wrong person. I mean, because we're dealing with stuff that's that you're hurting heart. And that's very tender, very fragile. We don't want to you don't want to be with a coach that you're not compatible with. Yes. So I appreciate that question. Because, you know, you have to make sure that it's a win win for both people.

Monica Ramirez: 00:16:27

Yes, I know, people that are grieving and they're atheist.

Angela Alexander: 00:16:30

So yeah. You have no boundaries?

Monica Ramirez: 00:16:35

Do you consider that it is actually harder for a person that it is that you say it is, or do not believe in God, to actually overcome the grief? Or you have to have a religion and believing in God to get out of that grief? process faster?

Angela Alexander: 00:16:54

And see, because because I do believe in God, I don't know what it feels like, not to believe in us. I don't know what they're going through. But I could not live my life here. I would not be where I am right now, with a piece that I have in my in the center of my soul, if I did not have Jesus in my life.

Monica Ramirez: 00:17:13

And I'm saying this with a lot of respect, is like, because I have encountered that. Yeah, yeah. Coaching. Yeah, they're both. So I am very spiritual. But that's why when whenever I encounter someone that is atheist that I have, I have coach, I remove this my spiritual side, and they just go strictly NLP.

Angela Alexander: 00:17:34

And see for me if somebody is atheists, if somebody atheists want me to coach them, I will. But they have to know that my, the source of my strength is God, and I cannot waive that. Yep. So that's where I come from.

Monica Ramirez: 00:17:50

Yes. And then do you channel God?

Angela Alexander: 00:17:54

No, I don't channel didn't channel.

Monica Ramirez: 00:17:57

Okay. We're in the process of how much time do you create the three books? And also the

Angela Alexander: 00:18:07

documentary? Yes.

Monica Ramirez: 00:18:08

How long was this?

Angela Alexander: 00:18:11

How long has it been this? Oh, well, my son's past April Fool's Day. 2000. So they passed away 23 years ago, but my product has been, um, I did like, like, the first 10 years, I've had my books and my documentary and all that. So it's been a so I've been doing this for a while now.

Monica Ramirez: 00:18:28

To be very, very productive.

Angela Alexander: 00:18:30

Thank you, thank you, thank you God's strength,

Monica Ramirez: 00:18:34

like, you know, what is important because there is a lot of pain. And it is what I have talked with other people that are grieving, it is very different, like the widows and divorces are very different. A divorce, you choose to let go of a marriage, and the widow just lost them. Do it. Yeah, although that is a very different situation, even they have to encounter again themselves as the only things in common and find who you are, again, and so forth, both of them. But there is very different having a choice and not having that choice.

Angela Alexander: 00:19:11

Right. Right. Yeah, Life is about choices.

Monica Ramirez: 00:19:16

So and when you don't have a choice, because you lost someone, and you just have to learn to move on in your life and find something that make you wanted to stay.

Angela Alexander: 00:19:30

Yeah, yeah. And I realize a lot of people they really remain in their grief because sometimes they feel bad about choosing life. And you know, and they feel like, as long as I'm hurting and I'm hurting that I'm then I'm holding on to that person. Will you hold on to that grief, but your loved one? You know, they wouldn't want you to be here miserable. Yeah, I don't believe my sons, my sons. You know, they want me to live my life to the fullest. Yep. You know, now that I've been through this they you know, I'm helping other people turn their pain into power grip into peace. But you know, I don't have a doom and gloom going life style. So I'll see my son's again, but right now, I'm here helping other people. That's my assignment.

Monica Ramirez: 00:20:14

Yes, I understand we all have missions in life.

Angela Alexander: 00:20:17

Yes, we didn't have to do. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when people share with, you know, a lot of like, hold on to that group, but you know, but the healing of your broken heart, let your heart heal is not an indication that you no longer love or miss your loved one. It's okay to heal. Live your life to the fullest they will want you to. So the healing of your heart, your heart, or your broken heart is not an indication that you no longer love or miss your loved one. Go ahead and enjoy life.

Monica Ramirez: 00:20:49

Yes, that is so true. It's so true. Because people get stuck. They get stuck that stuck to lose

Angela Alexander: 00:20:57

It sometimes Monica they feel guilty about moving forward. Yes, you know, Oh, this one I said she says she hadn't smile in years. And she feels guilty about smiling as if she's not thinking about her son. So you don't have to, you know, you don't have to, you know, back in the day, they used to work, they used to literally carry a cloth of debt. They used to really dress in black ash on their face, and wear, you know, black clothing. They were they draped that, that grief around them. But like 30 days, plus, I said, we don't do that. You don't have to wear that cloth of debt. I think when people see me, I don't want you to know my son's past, just because I walked into the room. I was just God's grace on my face. I don't want to wear that cloth of debt. The only way you know if somebody told you or you read my testimony, but not just because of my presence.

Monica Ramirez: 00:21:49

Thank you say very important that I and I believe in like you, I don't think that the person that died, wants to see you happy for the rest of your life. Exactly. They don't. I don't believe that. And so why you're doing that,

Angela Alexander: 00:22:06

Right. A lot of times people feel guilty, if sometimes you can, you know, sometimes if the way the person pads if they feel any type of attachment in causing or you know, you didn't cause it but if they feel like guilty, or somehow a person dies, like this one lady, her child died in a swimming pool she ran in the fall, you know, when how to get the phone. And you know, as soon as she forever will feel guilty about not property watching her child and leaving the child for just a minute to go get the phone? Or do you know, so she will not allow herself to have a joyful life anymore? Because she feels the guilt of her child passing. She says she can't she can't even release that.

Monica Ramirez: 00:22:52

Do you work with a person that is guilting themselves? For something like that? You work with people like that? I do.

Angela Alexander: 00:23:00

I do work with people like that. It's so hard to come through right now. But it's we have to really go back. Especially, you know, like her husband was blaming her as well. So it was it was her pain on top of her husband put it divided the family. So it was we had to uncover a lot of stuff before we didn't even get to that source. So it was it's the whole process. Yes,

Monica Ramirez: 00:23:23

Yes. It's basically forgiving, making you forgive herself. Yeah.

Angela Alexander: 00:23:27

And that's the big thing forgiveness. So before we can even get to the grief, we have to get to forgiveness.

Monica Ramirez: 00:23:34

Yes. Yes, I agree with that when many people are carrying guilt and shame and blame for many ages, then they're caring for us sometimes from even their parents, or whatever they did

Angela Alexander: 00:23:48

childhood stuff that they didn't even think about. And as we're going through stuff, all of a sudden these other emotions come in and say, Wait a minute, what happened was that Where'd that come from? Oh, something that happened, you know, 20 years ago, 30 years ago. It's coming to the surface that needs to be healed. So and we don't deal with it.

Monica Ramirez: 00:24:10

Or the parents are carrying that guilt and shame and deposit on to the kids and that was not even theirs.

Angela Alexander: 00:24:17

Exactly. You gotta say that Monica. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. So yeah,

Monica Ramirez: 00:24:25

Yes. When people told me not everybody needs therapy, like I believe every single human being in the planet earth. They're alive. We need therapy. Oh, yes. Allah was a you're alive. You need therapy. It is a myth that we don't need therapy. That's only crazy. People need it. No, we all need it. We all have something to heal. What kinds of pain? Grief is a big one because it's a destroyer. It is one that is going to consume you.

Angela Alexander: 00:24:54

Yes. Yeah. And grief has no boundaries. It doesn't matter. You know your nationality. How rich You all have who you are, you know, whether you like you said atheists or Christian, it falls on the, the just and the unjust. So everybody's even if you're dealing with the grief of yourself, if you got a diagnosis that you only have six months to deal with your own grief, you know, so everybody has to deal with it.

Monica Ramirez: 00:25:20

And I'm very thankful that the you're doing that job. Thank you. Very necessary right now. Because there is a lot of pain, and more after the 2020 that many people died. There is more pain.

Angela Alexander: 00:25:35

To 2021, 2022 It was just so many people, so many people passed away. And grief is not only the death of your loved one, it could be the foreclosure of your home, your health, your wealth, your dreams, your expectations, your marriage, that divorce, no matter what the grief is, we need to turn that pain into power and that grief, it's a piece. So it's not just the death of a loved one grief is grief. Anything that that that that's hurting your heart. That's what you're grieving

Monica Ramirez: 00:26:02

is basically the the part that is very hard to actually let go. It doesn't matter what it is.

Angela Alexander: 00:26:09

Exactly. It doesn't matter what it is. Yeah.

Monica Ramirez: 00:26:15

Oh, Angela, do you have any last words that you would like to say for our listeners here, so talk,

Angela Alexander: 00:26:21

You know, God transitioned me from military to ministry and my assignments to help people turn their grief into peace. So what I'd like to share with you is search for your miracles. You get in the midst of your storm, in the midst of your grief side, find something to be grateful for, because you can either search for your miracles or your misery. But remember, whatever you search for is searching for you. wisely.

Monica Ramirez: 00:26:45

Thank you very much, Angela. And thank you everybody for listening me this help you. Please share it with everybody else. The information of Angela is going to be in the description of this of this video. So like that you can contact her if you need so and you can buy also her books there. They're gonna be the description in there. The links are gonna be in there. Thank you very much. This is Monica Ramirez, the warrior of love. Thank you.